To clarify ...

I've been taking bartending classes for the past couple of days, and will continue to do so over the rest of my spring break. As of this moment, I can make Soda "and" drinks [like gin and tonic, t&t], cream drinks [screaming orgasm, girl scout cookie], and iced tea drinks [long island iced tea, long beach iced tea, blue/electric/neon/miami iced tea]. I can also tell you that your six basic alcohols are vodka, gin, rum, tequila, brandy, and whiskey, and that there are five different kinds of whiskey to choose from. A cordial is a liquor with 32 to 37% sugar and there is no difference between a highball glass and a footed highball glass. I can also make a Brandy Alexander.

I have so much more respect for anyone who has ever worked as a bartender. There is so much information that you need to have immediately ready. You need to be able to work fast, but not look rushed. You need to be friendly, but not overly friendly. There are so many gadgets that you need to know how to work, and exactly where you are. Presentation is everything, but a good drink is a good drink. There are insane rules. Tonic will always have a lemon garnish, and Collins drinks will always have a flag [cherry and orange]. Cream drinks must always be shaken. Add the soda after the shake; it'll get 'em drunk faster. Chill your glass while you make the drink.

My pour is too light and I work too slowly. I make a mess. We're not allowed to work with real alcohol. We use latex paint as a substitute for cream when mixing. Obviously, we don't drink this shit. I'm one of two girls in my section of the class, the youngest person there and the only white person. It's so scary. And so much fun.